Childhood is truly an impressionable time for us all and almost all that bounces off of our cerebral cortex in those precious years really does have a lasting impact on who we are as adults and, most of all, how we act. Every little flash of stimulation impacts our reason, motivation and rationale. Funny how I see a lot of parents these days taking all of that for granted and offering up the excuse of resiliency as the promotion of safe early child development.

I found that a lot of children’s programming is still carried in my mental ark of twos as melodies and small details that were probably overlooked as the bigger lesson or moral was being presented. I was part of the second generation that was really raised on television and my generation found the birth of straight children line ups to be welcoming to us and our parents as burden lifters and surrogate educators. The programming that found my mind’s eye was not of the Howdy Doody or Bullwinkle variety that the aforementioned first generation found as entertainment but it was rather meant to be education and entertainment intertwined into one big yarn ball of societal enlightenment.

The clip that I found to be the hardest to find was the first one. I had been on the hunt for anything resembling these characters in order to reassure myself that my young mind had not simply made them up in order to compensate for something that may have been missing. When I was a standing, walking, grooving tot of about five I had my tonsils taken out. Along with their removal my adenoids left and I had tubes put in my ears. My mother was very nervous and my father had made his way to the hospital to offer any support he could as well as get in a very fundamental visit. On this occasion he gave me a gift that I will never, ever forget. It was about 15” tall and it was pink and bulbous. It was a Barbapapa; specifically it was Papa Barbapapa. The toy had not been for sale but it was actually a window display for a series of books and cartoon movies from the Netherlands. My father convinced the shop keeper to part with it and it kept me company through the post anesthetic sherbert days to follow my surgery. I lost track of this toy while moving around so much growing up and as a young adult would ask everyone I knew if they knew what the hell I was remembering. Everyone looked at me as if I had finally eaten far too much mescaline and wasn’t coming back. These past few years I had googled and YouTubed and found nothing. I was unsure of the spelling and my descriptions were vague at best. I knew that Papa Barbapapa was pink and Mama Barbapapa was black and that they had lots and lots of little Barbapapas. Today I have found redemption after twenty five years of searching. The clip is in Dutch but you will get the gist of it. The vocal rattling at the end is a double take call out of the family member’s names:

This got me thinking of how deranged some of the shows that I watched growing up actually were. Twisted, psychedelic, surreal. All the way up until I was about nine or ten, I enjoyed a lot of what would be considered children’s shows. Some of the earlier shows would normally have horrible animation and garbled audio with ridiculous plot lines that seemed odd at best. One of these shows was The Mighty Heroes which were a group of bumbling and almost ineffective superheroes with the names Strong Man, Cuckoo Man, Tornado Man, Rope Man, and Diaper Man. Yep, I know, Diaper Man. They appeared in episodes with great fifties style names like ‘The Monsterizer’ and ‘The Plastic Blaster’. Here is their opening credits, it is like a discotech of insanity:

Of course the bad animation led me thinking about everyone’s favourite little tripping myopic Brit, Simon. Yes, the lad with the chalk drawing world. The land made entirely out of chalk. The chalk, I am very convinced now that I am an adult, that he must have been snorting. I found this episode called ‘Morning Time’ and it has a teacher from the Land of Chalk Drawings begging Simon to come figure out why the chalk kids were still sleeping and not in school. When, in any world or society that we know of, does the teacher come find the child to solve the serious adult issues of truancy of peers? This must be why I had a conception of adult ineptitude and my superiority at an early age. Here is the chalk line boy:

The shows that came out of the seventies seemed to have far too many real people and puppets in them. I guess it became blasé for the teeming throngs of wee one masses to watch cartoons as education and we needed glorified socks and men who smoked too much pot in the sixties with their hands up the character’s asses in order to learn. However, there were shows that didn’t really have any puppets in them either such as the brief education drawing shorts called Picture Pages with Bill Cosby. I know that you all know this one, but did you know that the original version of the song is much slower than this more familair one?:

Or how about this fruit cake that stole Richard Simmons hair and donned a spandex organ suit in order to explain to kids that making healthy choices led to healthy lifestyles and happiness. Do you remember Slim Goodbody? I don’t have to elaborate on this one beyond the clip as it is evidence enough of why I did not lead a healthy lifestyle as a young adult. Who the hell wants to be punished for eating right by turning into this tart? Just so you know, Slim is still doing shows at schools and if you go to his website you can book him for you school go-er today! Here it is:

Of course there was the Electric Company which took up and coming actors and placed them in characters that were just not fathomable. I won’t crack that nut any harder but any of you who know the show are aware of what I am talking about. Watch how Morgan Freeman gets to spin and look at the camera while his character behind him does a nice brother jive jog through the park that is funky. This theme song version is from season six and is a bit different than the other couple of versions that most people are familiar with. Watch the whole thing as it leads into the episode where a woman asks the almighty question that almost every woman in my life has pondered time and time again:

As we got closer to the eighties and then into them we found a couple of things that changed. Some of the shows began to mix it up and add something for older kids so that way larger families could be baby-sat together while learning from the boob tube. This paved the way for all of these current Disney type productions that are littered and riddled with adult humour that is supposed to fly over the heads of the kiddos. It normally doesn’t - don’t fool yourselves - they hold onto everything. This show was just as groovy as the rest and had puppets, plus a clown thus making it wildly popular. "No Gnus is good Gnus, says Gary Gnus!" This is The Great Space Coaster:

That flips me around to a science show that I watched often. They would explain how the world works in fun and exciting ways. Teaching you planet rotation by showing you ice skaters was a pretty good example of how far they could stretch the parallels in order to get everyone involved. Boys, girls, young and old all loved 3-2-1 Contact and this is the ultra-hip theme song. I think I learned more from these words than from any other song, book, or teacher until I was well past 16. Listen to the words and take them to heart:

Over the river and through the woods and cable t.v. laid it’s cables everywhere in the early 80’s and became very common place by the mid 80’s. We all witnessed the birth of the Home Box Office and a very counter culture group of Muppets that were fed on nothing but little glass sticks of meth. These were Jim Henson’s last really great creation before he moved on down the road. The first version I found was in German and for some reason that seemed oddly appropriate but the English version will be the 'must' for you, my readers. "Dance you cares away, worries for another day" - also note that this is the only other place beyond BlogStream that I have heard 'Mokie' be incorporated into a name. Ladies and gentlemen, the Fraggles:

It all became clear after surfing around through all of these fragments of my psyche. I now knew why I am the way I am. It was clear. I took these bits and pieces of input and welded them all together in my mind and they formed the blocks of foundation that helped me make decisions and weed out bad ideas for better aspirations. All of this together could be why this square peg has trouble finding square holes. Round holes just look better. Think of a hole. The word even sounds round. Say it … hooooollllllllle! Oh god, I just became one of the shows!

This is where you all come in. I have not been able to find some very specific clips from my salad days of boyhood. I searched the internet everywhere and only found leads (unlike my quest for the truth of the Barbapapas). So, I know that these clips can be found somewhere but I could not figure out where.

Here is a list of the half dozen or so clips that complete this collection of answers and explanations of my madness:

An opening theme song clip for the show Romper Room and Friends which experienced the new name with the addition of ‘and friends’ and a new theme song in 1981. Any prior version, since the show started in the fifties, just won’t do. It must be from the 1981 season or later.

Any clip of Boston local channel 38 clown Willie Whistle. This was a very weird man who looked like the offspring of Wendy the freckled burger babe and Ronald McDonald. Willie’s only form of communication was his whistle. To this day I whistle with the fervor of insanity and I can thank that mostly to this uncanny clown.

Any clip of the actual show called 'Captain Bob’s Drawings' starring Capt’n Bob Cottle who was also on the programme called 'Rough and Ready'. I am only looking for his sea shack shanty singing art show and would preferably like to get a clip that starts with the opening music. As a footnote; Bob Cottle passed away not to long ago (within the last couple of years) and we should all remember his contributions, across four decades, to education and children in the Boston area.

I could not find a legitimate clip of the Davey and Goliath show. All of the ones I found were piss poor parodies about cocaine or guns or the mark of Satan and frankly, I want to see the good wholesome claymation mega-show that I grew up loving. Every episode a new lesson, a new passage; not to mention Goliath’s awesome voice that impersonations of are heard everyday somewhere on earth.

I am also hunting down the theme song to the inter-show timeout of 3-2-1 Contact called ‘The Bloodhound Gang’. The lyrics are true classics that have enduring lines like ‘Wherever there’s trouble, we’re there on the double’ and ‘If you got the crime, we’ve got the time’. This will be a hard gem to unearth.

The ultra coveted clip that wins you a big wet kiss is the PSA (Public Service Announcement) featuring the alien from Mars who only eats candy bars and proceeds to come to Earth and get turned on by fruit (apples specifically). The famous line at the end of the commercial that is supposed to get kids on the Fruits and Vegatables Shuttle is "By only eating candy bars we don't know what we've missed!" One wet kiss is waiting!

So this is it a video collage post with a game attached. A scavenger hunt for the explanations of my life. A bit of therapy assistance for me, if you will. Six clips plus one bonus commercial to find, endless hours to find them. Your prize is the pious and pithy ‘good-will’ feeling you will get from helping out your fellow man. Oh, and don;t froget the big, wet kiss!

The rewards for me are going to be priceless.

Jump back over the chalk wall and get looking. I heard the Barbapapas might have already found one.

Until the next post of undeniably unpredictable nonsense, thank you …